Words

Think Before You Speak ~~ “Controlling Our Emotions”

Words are powerful weapons as well as attributes to success,. Use them wisely. For, once said they can never be taken back!! – “Scott Binsack”

The old saying .. “We take things out on the ones we love” does not make it right and causes a serious communication breakdown in any relationship or workplace!! Identifying this bad behavior and fixing it is the only way for us to have true communication and thus, solid relationships with others.

Join “Scott Binsack” in this life changing show.  As he discusses how his behavior at times in communicating with those he loved was his way of  lashing out to prior unsettled issues of past pain and anger. Hurting those involved with harsh and undeserved words and how now he has come to recognize this and how to change it!!

SPEAKING::

One of the most obvious and significant attributes of humans is the ability to communicate through speech. An interesting corollary is that we can also communicate our thoughts in real time; we do not need to plan what we’re going to say before we say it. This has both advantages and disadvantages. It would clearly be undesirable for us to have to formulate our thoughts before issuing an immediate warning “run!”. And communication would be dramatically slowed if we were unable to respond, fluidly, to people in normal conversation.

On the other hand, this innate ability is often the source of consternation when what we say on the spur of the moment is something we later wish we had either not said, or had said differently; it,sometimes, happens to each of us. The trick is to remember when. Typically, this happens when we are responding in stressful situations, or during confrontation, although it can happen at any time. Recognizing that we do not always say what we would like to communicate is an important realization. Mitigating this issue is not complex, but it does require some behavioral changes. The goal is to be aware of when to talk naturally and fluidly and when to think before we speak and when not to speak at all.

COMMUNICATION:

Finding a way to dial down your sensitivity chip while you are in a relationship is easier said than done. If you tend to be more of an emotional person, falling hard when in love, finding techniques or ways to erode sensitivity can be tough. However, if you have gotten hurt too many times in the past because you’ve jumped in with both feet, use your current relationship to help you pull back the emotion, while at the same time still having fun and engaging in a bonded situation.

Identify your emotional triggers:

Find your hot buttons and learn how to wrangle those under control. Not only will subduing emotion be good for your relationship, it will be better for your mental health in the long run.Identify your emotional triggers. Find your hot buttons and learn how to wrangle those under control. Not only will subduing emotion be good for your relationship, it will be better for your mental health in the long run.

Separation anxiety:

Do you get upset when he/she wants to be friends or has to do something at night that is work related? Even if you don’t say anything to him/her, do you get upset so that it is disruptive to your life?

Jealousy:

Do you have a hard time seeing him/her converse with people of the opposite sex? Or is your honey an eternal flirt? What happens when you see your mate flirting or in a situation where others are doing the flirting with him/her? If there is truly no reason to suspect your mate of cheating, consider how your overt jealousy affects the relationship. Does it bring you closer together or does it drive a wedge between you?

Clinginess:

Even though you love him/her so much, showing it by hanging all over him/her or demanding you two be tied at the hip may not be best for your relationship. Tap into your sense of independence and remember that you are two entities that came together for love.

External factors such as family or work:

Do you get emotional with your significant other in certain situations such as being around your family or at work functions? Your emotional side may be more tied to situations rather than how you feel in general.

Determine how your emotions impact your relationship.

Some people love having a very emotional mate, however consider how your overt emotion is affecting your self of being and sense of worth.

Can you separate from this person and function independently? Do emotions prevent you from being an independent person and can you approach life both as a couple and on your own? If your emotions have taken over and seem to be preventing you from approaching life on your own, you will need to determine why you need the other person to be happy or experience an encounter alone.

Does your mate seem to be pulling away from you? Historically have your emotions been a caveat to why you’ve broken up? Has your mate become withdrawn or unhappy because your emotions seem to overwhelm the relationship? If you want the relationship to work, consider how your emotional expressions could be sabotaging it and why.

Become more communicative instead of emotional. When a baby cries he/she could be experiencing a variety of emotions or physical feelings because infants have no other communication skills. Luckily, as an adult you don’t have to resort to childish outbursts and can use words instead. Instead of resorting to old behavioral or non verbal mannerisms or emotional outbursts, consider taking a more methodical, communicative approach to explaining how you feel. You can still let the other person know what you are feeling or experiencing, but use your intellect so you can truly convey your emotion.

Identify which emotion you are feeling and write down when and why you feel that way. For example, if you are overwhelmed with jealousy instead of lurking behind bushes or fake plants at the next cocktail party you both attend, write down that you are jealous and when you are jealous. Is it when you are in social situations and other people hit on your mate or when he/she flirts with others? Also, name specific encounters so you can articulate and refer to when and where you felt this emotion. Choose an opportune time after you are not so overwhelmed with emotion to discuss how you feel.

Avoid acting on your emotions as you are experiencing them. Even if you are overwhelmed with love, instead of bear hugging and/or jumping into your betrothed arms, wait for a moment when you can regain your composure and calmly communicate how you felt. Tell him/her why you have come to love him/her and when this feeling washed over you.

Take ownership of your emotions!!

Often people try to tell the other person that he/she “made” them feel a certain way. No one can manage your emotions but you. Own your feelings but say why. For example, if you are experiencing separation anxiety say, “I feel so alone when you are out of town every week. I enjoy being with you and feel sad and alone when you are away.” However, avoid getting angry at the other person or blaming him/her for how you feel. Own it and resign yourself to doing something about it.

"Scott Binsack"

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Information in this article was in part gained from: http://www.wikihow.com/Think-Before-Speaking