Children

True Love ~~ “The Story Of The Man In The Moon”

If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.”

~Khalil Gibran

[But is that really true?]

It’s the first show of 2015 and we’re going to tackle a tough topic: true love and the story of The Man in the Moon.

Last February, right around Valentine’s Day, we explored a story involving my mother and the man who would ultimately come to be known as The Man in the Moon.

It’s a profoundly moving and emotional story; one that has impacted me since childhood.

I used to believe in the saying, “If you love someone, you should set them free and if they truly love you, they’ll return.”

I no longer believe this.

I believe that if someone truly loves you, there will be no reason to set them free; they shouldn’t come crawling back after their first choice didn’t work out.

People tend to toss around the term ‘love’ as though it’s a casual term. But it’s anything but. Love is truly transformative and it’s a force that can change your life in the most powerful ways.

I consider myself a hopeless romantic; I believe in true love. I’ve learned that many abuse victims like myself find themselves on a lifelong quest to find true love. They’re often amongst the individuals with the biggest hearts and the deepest desire to love and be loved — even if that desire isn’t outwardly apparent through the hard, protective shell that many abuse victims develop.

When I first shared this story of the Man in the Moon, I didn’t share all of the specifics.

I’ve since realized that it’s a story that must be told — in its entirety.

Over the past year, it’s a story that’s taken on new meaning as I myself became a Man in the Moon.

Recent events have transformed my view of life and love. I’ve come to realize that I was wrong; that love and intimacy aren’t the only part of the equation.

There’s more.

The Story of the Man in the Moon

My mother was a woman who suffered many traumas in her life. She was from a lower-middle class family that was plagued by dysfunction; a dysfunction that came to a head when she witnessed her father hang her mother from a 13th floor window amidst a drunken rage.
My father was from the other side of the tracks. He came from a prominent and wealthy family.
My parents met at a driver’s ed class. My mother said she loved my father, but she wasn’t madly in love with him. She got married because that’s what was expected; getting married young was the norm.
My mother’s true love was a man named Charlie — a man whom I’d come to know as The Man in the Moon. Charlie ultimately married another woman, just as my mother had married another man. But their respective marriages were no obstacle and they would meet in secret. Sometimes, I’d wait in the car, parked on the side of the road. I was just three or four years old when I first witnessed my mother in a rare state of pure happiness as she shared intimate moments with this man.
Charlie’s moniker — The Man in the Moon — was practical yet accurate. He was a man who was ever-present in her life and in her heart, yet in many ways, he was inaccessible. It was a practical term too, since my mother frequently brought me along when she met up with The Man in the Moon. So when my father asked, “What did you do today?”, my honest reply would be a seemingly fanciful: “We saw the Man in the Moon.”
After 14 years of marriage, my parents got divorced. But Charlie never left his wife — a woman who happened to be one of my mother’s best friends.
In time, Charlie and I became friends.
Years passed.
One day, my mother and I met Charlie for lunch. At one point in the meal, my mother left the table, heading for the restroom. I’ve always been very direct and I asked, “You love my mother. Why won’t you leave your wife?” Charlie replied, “I have children, obligations…..But someday, we’ll make it work. Someday.”
I knew that he truly loved my mother. And over the years, my mother continued to receive flowers, cards and other tokens of his affections.
They continued to see each other, but Charlie never did leave his wife. In this way, he truly lived up to his moniker, The Man in the Moon, remaining ever-present yet inaccessible.
So my mother set out on a mission to find another man. She sought to replicate the intense bond that she shared with Charlie.
But true love was elusive. She re-married and divorced twice.
In the end, my mother was miserable, forever haunted by the forbidden love she shared with The Man in the Moon.
Years later, my father said, “I love your mom, but your mom was always in love with Charlie — The Man in the Moon. He should have married her.”
The story of The Man in the Moon has led me to realize that love exists separately from intimacy. And if you don’t have intimacy — an incredible bond with another human being — then you don’t have anything.

These are just some of the topics we’ll be exploring on the latest episode of Sunday Night With “Scott Binsack”. It’s a must-see episode; one that will force you to confront and reconsider your views of love, intimacy and true love.

"Scott Binsack"

Thank you for watching, liking and subscribing,
“Scott Binsack”

Check out Scott’s other sites:

Website: http://www.scottbinsack.com/
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Rose Colored Glasses ~~ “Why We Refuse Reality & Make Excuses”

If someone thinks about or looks at something with rose-colored glasses, they think it is more pleasant than it really is – “Scott Binsack”

It is much easier to see life through rose colored glasses then it is to face the real truth of any bad situation. The list is endless of what we can see wearing rose colored glasses e.g. relationships, marriage, career, self image etc. I am going to focus on all of these areas but more particularly, on staying in a bad relationship or marriage. Something I know well first hand!!

Reality: The world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.

I think we would all agree that it is much easier to see life or ourselves as we “want to see” it then what it “actually is” at times. Seeing it as it “really is” can be be very painful to ones existence. Painful or not, it should be the only way we see things. For, to see things via rose colored glasses is simply lying to ones self about the truth of any situation and/or themselves. Thus, what really was our life? A big farce!! A lie to ourselves!!

By accepting and facing reality we are able to change and therefore grow!! No one likes change. Change is painful, especially when it involves our own issues that we must change!!

Excuse: A reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense.

Through our lifestyle and just human instinct, we’ve become a culture of excuses. Excuses make life easier, especially when we know we will feed into to them and thus, we decide we would rather make an excuse instead of make a change. When we do something wrong we usually know it’s wrong and are already making up an excuse in our mind. We want to believe that everything is perfect and just right in our situations. As long as we don’t look bad or feel bad all is seemingly good. When in fact it is not! The problem is, when we make excuses for our situations, we .. “give up control” of those same situations. It is easy to “blame everyone else” and have that piece of mind that we are doing everything right. ( When we are not!! ) We just have to keep telling ourselves that until we believe it.

Now comes into to play the bad relationship or marriage and the refusal of one partner or both to see this and thus, the false reality we create to stay. Henceforth, the excuses we use to tell ourselves and others for staying in a dysfunctional situation. Such as:

Excuse #1: I’d rather settle for him or her than be alone.

If you are settling for an unhealthy relationship just to have a warm body near, you are missing the amazing indescribable intimacy that you deserve.

Excuse #2: I’m comfortable.

Is change something that makes you cringe? Are you stringing a relationship along primarily because it has benefits: money, companionship, image, physical intimacy, fun, familiar routine? Let’s face it, we have all temporarily turned to everything from shopping to food for fulfillment. Things–even relationships with benefits–can never truly satisfy.

Excuse #3: I love him or her.

“But I looooove him / her!” If I had a nickel for every time I heard those words! Geez! I love my dog! I love my brother! I love my pet hamster! There is a difference in loving and being “in love” and fully committed to the person you KNOW you were meant to be with. Never settle for less!!

Excuse #4: We have a children together.

Admit it. As children, most of us aspired to have better lives than those who raised us. Here’s the kicker: our starting point regarding relationships was the exact representation of what ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ modeled for each of us. My point: it is better to be alone or with the person you truly love then living a lie each day in front of your children. According to statistics, your children will do the same. You think you protecting them when in fact your not, your simply protecting yourself!! The choices YOU make affect future generations. Ponder that!

Excuse #5: I don’t want to hurt his/ her feelings.

Has your heart left the picture, but your still hanging around because you’d like him/ her to stay happy? Maybe you feel bad leaving him / her because they have invested so as spent so much time and money on you. You’re not stock or a possession; this isn’t an investment game. Have you tried to walk away, but they persuaded you to stay? You’re not a puppet; pull your hearts strings from their grip. Your people-pleasing nature, coupled with his / her controlling tendencies, are brewing up your worst nightmare. It’s time to be concerned more with yourself then them!!

Excuse #6: He / she is “good” enough for me.

Maybe you’re thinking, “I don’t deserve any better,” or perhaps you assume you’d never land among the stars so you’ve resolved to never shoot for the moon, or your insecurities and fears are holding you back.

Excuse #7: He or she will change for the better!

Come on, who are you kidding!? You can’t change him / her , and they comfortable the way they are. Statistically and in my experiences people don’t change. Not unless they truly want to!! Which takes being awakened by a fall to the bottom or some shocking act in their lives. Even then most don’t change. We are the ones that must change and see our own issues for what they truly are.

These are just some of the main excuses we make to stay trapped in a relationship or marriage we refuse to see for what it truly is. The list of excuses is endless.

So putting on the rose colored glasses everyday is the easiest way to just not face the truth. The easy way out!! When in reality it is living a lie to ourselves and those involved daily. Then before you know it real life and love has passed you by. You grow old and wake up one day wondering what the hell have i done with my life!

Join me “Scott Binsack” as I share two serious relationships in my life where in one I wore the rose colored glasses. Both serious events that changed me forever!! A show not to be missed!!

"Scott Binsack"

Thank you for watching,
“Scott Binsack”

Check out “Scott Binsack’s” other sites:
Website: http://www.scottbinsack.com/
My Info: http://www.scottbinsack.info/
About Me: http://www.scottbinsack.me/
More Info: http://www.yatedo.com/scottbinsack
Blog: http://scottjbinsackthebuilderone.blo…
Audio: https://soundcloud.com/scott-binsack-sr
Corp:  http://www.scottbinsackmansionsandestatesinc.com/

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The Black Sheep ~~ “Growing Up Dysfunctional”

“Another persons dysfunction should never become your reality” – Scott Binsack

Dealing with a family of severe dysfunction is never an easy task, especially when they inflicted traumatizing and shocking emotional, physical and sexual abuse and still live in denial about it today!! I am a proud survivor of an extremely dysfunctional family, dysfunctional all the way around on my fathers side of the family. Despite the chaos that they inflicted upon me and my urgent removal from the same at the tender age of 15 they still attempt to haunt me today. I have learned to face these issues and deal with the chaos that they still at times try rain down on my life. Even to the point of trying desperately to destroy me through others. Despite my having nothing to do with them.

This dysfunction through my own issues started to show its ugly head early on in my life with relationships and then marriage. Thinking that running away at 15 and never looking back would solve the problem. When in fact it merely brought it to light in all that I did. I grew up pulling (emotional) knives out of my back, and being physically and sexually abused be several family members repeatedly, and in turn doing everything I could to be accepted and loved.

I was always shocked at how much other people loved and protected their kids. While my family was busy living in denial of each other and wreaking havoc to hurt one another. So extreme at times I wanted to simply die as a child. I was always trying to please them and get them to love me,. All to no avail!! I was always the black sheep as it has been said and even today told to me as .. your family hates you!! I’m glad they hate me. They don’t deserve to have me in their lives. Me, I have forgiven them and learned to turn that pain at a very young age into strength.

A dysfunctional family is defined as one in which there is either sexual and/or physical abuse, neglect or both going on. The adults may not get along and might expose their children to terrible arguments or even physical fights and/or allow other family members to abuse the child. Conversely, the parents might be allies who care for and protect each-other at the expense of their children. In a dysfunctional family, the parents are inadequate or abusive. As a result, there is not enough love available for the children. Sometimes there’s no love at all. This sets up an unconscious competition between the children for whatever love might be available. During childhood, one child might ingratiate themselves to one or both parents in an attempt to get some attention from them. They are simply doing their best to survive in an environment deficient of the emotional necessities of life. The legacy of the dysfunctional family is not just the emotional trauma caused by parental abuse or neglect but also and significantly, a toxic disruption of the normal loving bonds that siblings would otherwise share. For more on this see, http://marciasirotamd.com/trauma-reco…

Join me “Scott Binsack” as I share some very shocking and traumatic details of my childhood and how I learned to overcome the sever scars of this dysfunction. Giving you ways to cope with and overcome dealing with a dysfunctional family. A show not to be missed!!
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Thank you for watching, liking and subscribing,
“Scott Binsack”

Check out Scott’s other sites:
Website: http://www.scottbinsack.com/
My Info: http://www.scottbinsack.info/
About Me: http://www.scottbinsack.me/
More Info: http://www.yatedo.com/scottbinsack
Blog: http://scottjbinsackthebuilderone.blo…
Audio: https://soundcloud.com/scott-binsack-sr

The Long Road Home ~~ “Surviving Child Abuse As An Adult”

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” – Rumi

In this Sunday’s compelling show “Scott Binsack” reveals his most intimate survival skills. Growing up within a severely dysfunctional home and enduring horrific abuse at the hands of others, Scott could have easily drown in the depths of pain and humiliation that accompany such atrocities. Not only did he find his way to “find the light within the wounds” and survive, but also to thrive against the odds, becoming whole and extremely successful along the way.

When we have been abused or neglected as children it can leave us feeling wounded, deprived, and wronged by those we love and trusted. The hurt can be especially deep if those who caused pain were our own family members. If these hurts are not resolved, they continue to affect us and our subsequent relationships.

Memories of these events are painful, so we tend to avoid thinking about them too deeply. Or if we do think about them, we focus on certain parts at the expense of others, precluding a complete picture of the events. Thus we have an incomplete and child-like view of the harms experienced, and any mental “solution” to the problem is likewise incomplete and without the benefit of being properly vetted by our mature higher mind. The child mind wants to rewrite the story and change the ending, however, doing so at this late stage will not change the past nor will it remove the pain experienced nor will it fix the psychological and spiritual damage.

Childhood pain can last a lifetime if not confronted. Confronting the totality of our painful experiences is the only way to gain mastery over the past. It allows us to objectively revisit what happened so that we can reassess it from a more mature and objective vantage point. It allows us to gain a more complete picture of the events and come to more appropriate conclusions about the cause and meaning of what happened. This understanding allows us move past the futile urge to reenact these experiences and allows us to recreate an internal understanding of who we really are in a more functional and accurate way.

Join “Scott Binsack” as he shares with you how to face these inner demons, how to forgive, and how he rose from the ashes of a childhood lost to recreate himself, becoming whole and healed. Finally finding his way home!

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Thank you for watching,
“Scott Binsack”

My Website: http://www.scottbinsack.com
My Info: http://www.scottbinsack.info
About Me: http://www.scottbinsack.me
More Info: http://www.yatedo.com/scottbinsack

Divorce and Children ~~ “Scars Of A Child”

For children, divorce can be very painful, sad, and confusing. At any age, kids may feel uncertain and angry at the prospect of mom and dad splitting up. Thus, acting out in bad and rebellious behaviors or becoming depressed and introverted. As a parent, we can make the process and its effects less painful for our children. Helping them cope with divorce means providing stability in your home and attending to your children’s needs with a reassuring, positive attitude. It won’t be a seamless process, and thus without problems.

As parents, it’s normal to feel uncertain about how to give our children the right support through a divorce or separation. It may be uncharted territory, but we can successfully navigate this painful time and thus, help our children emerge from it feeling loved, confident, and strong. If not, they will go on to suffer the consequences of our mistakes.Suffering life long scars.

There are many ways we can help your children adjust to separation or divorce. Your patience, reassurance, and listening ear can minimize tension as children learn to cope with new circumstances. By providing routines kids can rely on, you remind children they can count on you for stability, structure, and care. And if you can maintain a working relationship with your ex, you can help kids avoid the stress that comes with watching parents in conflict. Such a transitional time can’t be without some measure of hardship, but you can powerfully reduce your children’s pain by making their well-being your top priority.

When it comes to telling your kids about your divorce, many parents freeze up. Make the conversation a little easier on both yourself and your children by preparing significantly before you sit down to talk. If you can anticipate tough questions, deal with your own anxieties ahead of time, and plan carefully what you’ll be telling them, you will be better equipped to help your children handle the news.

It’s vital to be honest with your kids, but without being critical of your spouse. This can be especially difficult when there have been hurtful events, such as infidelity, but with a little diplomacy, you can avoid playing the blame game or using your children as pawns against the other parent.

In this show Scott goes into great depth and detail explaining his parents divorce and the serious scarred childhood he suffered therefrom. As well as, discussing his own difficult marriage and divorce and the serious consequences of that on his children.

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Thank you for watching,
“Scott Binsack”

My Website: http://www.scottbinsack.com/
About Me: http://www.scottbinsack.me
My Info: http://www.scottbinsack.info
More Info: http://www.yatedo.com/scottbinsack

Some content of the written portion of this blog was obtained from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/children_divorce.htm

Valentines Day Special “The Man In The Moon”

“Scott Binsack” shares his views and wisdom on being alone for Valentines Day. You can be with someone and still be alone or you can be single and not be alone.

Thank you for watching,
“Scott Binsack”

About Me: http://www.scottbinsack.me
My Info: http://www.scottbinsack.info