Relationships

The Narcissist ~~ “In Love With The Enemy”

Narcissus was a figure in Greek mythology; a hunter who was renowned for his incredible beauty. A mountain nymph named Echo feel in love with Narcissus, but he was preoccupied with himself and his unmatched beauty.

Emotionally unavailable, Narcissus broke Echo’s heart and as often happens with juicy rumors, word of Echo’s heartbreak spread across the land. Ultimately, Nemesis — the god of revenge — heard of how Narcissus led Echo to heartbreak and she set out to punish him. She lured Narcissus to a pond, where he became engrossed with his own reflection. Narcissus fell deeply in love with the image and he was destroyed when he realized that it was merely a reflection. The story ultimately ends with Narcissus’ suicide.

It’s a rather dark tale, but it aptly illustrates many of the workings of the personality disorder known as narcissism.

Let’s be clear: it’s impossible to be in a healthy relationship with a narcissist. The self-centered nature of a narcissists precludes them from engaging in the give and take that’s required for a healthy, mutually-satisfying relationship. But this doesn’t stop others from falling in love with a narcissist. It’s a pit that I fell into myself.

What is a Narcissist?

To say that a narcissist holds a powerful self-love is put it quite mildly. A narcissist is the epitome of self-aggrandizing; this all-consuming superiority complex impacts every aspect of the narcissist’s life. In fact, narcissism is so consuming that it’s considered a personality disorder. While a majority of narcissists are men, it’s not a condition that’s exclusive to men. That’s because 25% of narcissists are women.

Narcissists may be cerebral and/or somatic. The cerebral narcissist believes that he or she has superior intellect, while the somatic narcissist is consumed by his or her physical beauty. A number of narcissists are taken with both their physical beauty and their superior intellect, making them a cerebral-somatic hybrid.

There are two sub-types of narcissist too: the vulnerable and the invulnerable narcissist.

A vulnerable narcissist is actually rather sensitive and they may experience depression or anxiety if others fail to treat them as superior beings. The vulnerable narcissist often appears as someone who’s vastly under-appreciated; their glory is simply unrecognized by the world at large. This narcissist is often a show-off in an attempt to display his or her superiority.

An invulnerable narcissist is essentially immune to any suggestion that he/she is anything less than superb and superior. This narcissist is unapologetic in her self-confidence and self-importance. If anyone dares to challenge the narcissist, they are met with vicious rage.

Some narcissists are overt, obvious narcissists who embody the most common narcissist stereotype. Others are inverted narcissists, who are parasitic in nature. They feed off another’s accomplishments and superiority and adopt this grandness for themselves. An example of this would be the stereotypical wife of a professional athlete or successful businessman. The wife exhibits all of the traits of narcissism, but she doesn’t want the control. She believes she’s entitled to enjoy all the fruits of her husband’s labor — the respect, the status, the money — despite the fact that she’s done absolutely nothing to earn or deserve these things.

The Narcissist in a Relationship

This is a bit of a misnomer, as a narcissist never really enters a true relationship. The term ‘relationship’ implies a give and take. There is no give and take with the narcissist. There’s that which the narcissist has; there’s that which he or she wants. The narcissist’s world revolves around fulfilling his desires — whatever they may be — because he deserves it. The narcissist adamantly believes he or she is worthy and deserving of all things wonderful and superior.

In a relationship, a narcissist cares about his or her own needs; there’s no consideration for the other person. Any facade of caring can usually be traced back to the narcissist’s self interests. For instance, a narcissist may do something kind for their partner, but that kindness isn’t rooted in love or a desire to please their partner; it’s rooted in a desire to manipulate the partner into doing something that benefits the narcissist. Manipulation is key for the narcissist, who puppets others in an attempt to fulfill his or her own interests.

If a narcissist doesn’t receive the love, adoration and respect that he or she feels is deserved, then they tend to get quite nasty. Increasing dominance is commonplace, as the narcissist over-compensates in an attempt to reinforce their importance and all-around fabulousness.

Does any of this sound familiar?

If so, then you probably know that attempting to maintain a relationship with a narcissist is a challenging task that often ends in heartbreak, just like the story of Narcissus and Echo. And some cases are equally deadly.

But if you survive your encounter with the narcissist, you’ll ultimately have a realization. You’ll realize that you were in love with a narcissist. And it’s a realization that can bring about a great deal of insight — insight that we’ll discuss in this week’s episode of Sunday Night With ” Scott Binsack”

So tune in with “Scott Binsack” as we explore narcissism, what it means to attempt a ‘relationship’ with a narcissist and how an encounter with this personality disorder can impact your life in a very profound manner. It’s an important show that simply cannot be missed!

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Saying I’m Sorry ~~ “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word”

“Sorry seems to be the hardest word.” ~Elton John

When tempers flare or pain and hurts transform into anger, we have a tendency of saying hurtful things; things that we don’t really mean. This is especially true when you have two passionate individuals involved. And the closer your relationship, it seems the nastier and more cutting those words tend to be.

When those hurtful words come tumbling out, there’s no retraction. Just as a bell can’t be un-rung, words can’t be un-said and we’re left to deal with the damage and consequences of words spoken in the heat of the moment.

For those on the receiving end of your words, those emotions can remain raw until you say those two words: “I’m sorry.” But those words only have mending power if they’re backed with genuine emotion. A casual “I’m sorry” is meaningless.

In some cases, a full apology is warranted. So what makes a good apology? It should have three parts:

• I’m sorry;

• It’s my fault (or an acknowledgement of wrong-doing); and

• What can I do to make it right?

Those are the components of a good, effective apology. But again, those words must be backed by genuine emotion. And unfortunately, most people forget the third part — the part when you take action to remedy the situation and the hurts that you’ve caused.

An apology is so much more than just words! An apology says so much more than just “I’m sorry.” It’s an acknowledgement of the fact that you’re not always right. An apology also shows that you truly care about the other person’s welfare and emotional well-being — a point that is essential for any healthy relationship. Apologies also serve to diffuse the situation, while acknowledging and validating the other individual’s feelings and opinions, even if you don’t agree with their perspective.

Equally important is knowing when not to say “I’m sorry.” Not every conflict requires an apology and over-using apologies can diminish their impact. You shouldn’t apologize for having your own emotional needs, for instance. But if you’re aware that the other person is wounded, but aren’t sincerely sorry, then use the opportunity to start a dialogue so you can arrive at a better understanding of each other. This involves actually listening to the other person’s perspective — something we often forget to do in the heat of the moment.

There’s also the timeframe of the apology. Waiting days or weeks will diminish the power of your apology. Don’t allow hurts to linger. And make no mistake: without a good apology, those hurts can and will linger for weeks, months, years — even an entire lifetime. Those words that tumbled out as part of spite and malice-filled tangent can cut
through your defenses, becoming embedded deep within your very spirit. And there they will remain until a sincere, genuine apology is offered up and the individual takes action to right the wrongs that led to those hurts.

In today’s episode of Sunday Night With Scott Binsack, we’ll explore apologies and the impact of those two words: “I’m sorry.”

Join “Scott Binsack” as he goes in depth to explore the life experiences and actions that have led him to say “I’m sorry.” We’ll also discuss what we can do to control our anger, so as to avoid saying words that we’ll come to regret. It’s a humbling show and one that simply can’t be missed!

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True Love ~~ “The Story Of The Man In The Moon”

If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.”

~Khalil Gibran

[But is that really true?]

It’s the first show of 2015 and we’re going to tackle a tough topic: true love and the story of The Man in the Moon.

Last February, right around Valentine’s Day, we explored a story involving my mother and the man who would ultimately come to be known as The Man in the Moon.

It’s a profoundly moving and emotional story; one that has impacted me since childhood.

I used to believe in the saying, “If you love someone, you should set them free and if they truly love you, they’ll return.”

I no longer believe this.

I believe that if someone truly loves you, there will be no reason to set them free; they shouldn’t come crawling back after their first choice didn’t work out.

People tend to toss around the term ‘love’ as though it’s a casual term. But it’s anything but. Love is truly transformative and it’s a force that can change your life in the most powerful ways.

I consider myself a hopeless romantic; I believe in true love. I’ve learned that many abuse victims like myself find themselves on a lifelong quest to find true love. They’re often amongst the individuals with the biggest hearts and the deepest desire to love and be loved — even if that desire isn’t outwardly apparent through the hard, protective shell that many abuse victims develop.

When I first shared this story of the Man in the Moon, I didn’t share all of the specifics.

I’ve since realized that it’s a story that must be told — in its entirety.

Over the past year, it’s a story that’s taken on new meaning as I myself became a Man in the Moon.

Recent events have transformed my view of life and love. I’ve come to realize that I was wrong; that love and intimacy aren’t the only part of the equation.

There’s more.

The Story of the Man in the Moon

My mother was a woman who suffered many traumas in her life. She was from a lower-middle class family that was plagued by dysfunction; a dysfunction that came to a head when she witnessed her father hang her mother from a 13th floor window amidst a drunken rage.
My father was from the other side of the tracks. He came from a prominent and wealthy family.
My parents met at a driver’s ed class. My mother said she loved my father, but she wasn’t madly in love with him. She got married because that’s what was expected; getting married young was the norm.
My mother’s true love was a man named Charlie — a man whom I’d come to know as The Man in the Moon. Charlie ultimately married another woman, just as my mother had married another man. But their respective marriages were no obstacle and they would meet in secret. Sometimes, I’d wait in the car, parked on the side of the road. I was just three or four years old when I first witnessed my mother in a rare state of pure happiness as she shared intimate moments with this man.
Charlie’s moniker — The Man in the Moon — was practical yet accurate. He was a man who was ever-present in her life and in her heart, yet in many ways, he was inaccessible. It was a practical term too, since my mother frequently brought me along when she met up with The Man in the Moon. So when my father asked, “What did you do today?”, my honest reply would be a seemingly fanciful: “We saw the Man in the Moon.”
After 14 years of marriage, my parents got divorced. But Charlie never left his wife — a woman who happened to be one of my mother’s best friends.
In time, Charlie and I became friends.
Years passed.
One day, my mother and I met Charlie for lunch. At one point in the meal, my mother left the table, heading for the restroom. I’ve always been very direct and I asked, “You love my mother. Why won’t you leave your wife?” Charlie replied, “I have children, obligations…..But someday, we’ll make it work. Someday.”
I knew that he truly loved my mother. And over the years, my mother continued to receive flowers, cards and other tokens of his affections.
They continued to see each other, but Charlie never did leave his wife. In this way, he truly lived up to his moniker, The Man in the Moon, remaining ever-present yet inaccessible.
So my mother set out on a mission to find another man. She sought to replicate the intense bond that she shared with Charlie.
But true love was elusive. She re-married and divorced twice.
In the end, my mother was miserable, forever haunted by the forbidden love she shared with The Man in the Moon.
Years later, my father said, “I love your mom, but your mom was always in love with Charlie — The Man in the Moon. He should have married her.”
The story of The Man in the Moon has led me to realize that love exists separately from intimacy. And if you don’t have intimacy — an incredible bond with another human being — then you don’t have anything.

These are just some of the topics we’ll be exploring on the latest episode of Sunday Night With “Scott Binsack”. It’s a must-see episode; one that will force you to confront and reconsider your views of love, intimacy and true love.

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Identifying Your Passion ~~ “How Badly Do You Want It”

For living life without passion is simply not living. -“Scott Binsack”

Are you living your life doing what you are passionate about or are you simply existing? Passion can be anything powerful or compelling, a strong desire towards something or just overall enthusiasm in life. Having passion in your life helps give you personal power to live fully. When mind, body and spirit work together, it can help to manifest your potential and overcome obstacles. Many people shy away from seeking passion because of fear of failure and of taking the risks that will lead to an undefined future. Defining one’s passion in life is paramount in driving creativity and inspiration.

Join “Scott Binsack”as he shares his experience on  how to find & maintain the passion which resides within us all.

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The Black Sheep ~~ “Growing Up Dysfunctional”

“Another persons dysfunction should never become your reality” – Scott Binsack

Dealing with a family of severe dysfunction is never an easy task, especially when they inflicted traumatizing and shocking emotional, physical and sexual abuse and still live in denial about it today!! I am a proud survivor of an extremely dysfunctional family, dysfunctional all the way around on my fathers side of the family. Despite the chaos that they inflicted upon me and my urgent removal from the same at the tender age of 15 they still attempt to haunt me today. I have learned to face these issues and deal with the chaos that they still at times try rain down on my life. Even to the point of trying desperately to destroy me through others. Despite my having nothing to do with them.

This dysfunction through my own issues started to show its ugly head early on in my life with relationships and then marriage. Thinking that running away at 15 and never looking back would solve the problem. When in fact it merely brought it to light in all that I did. I grew up pulling (emotional) knives out of my back, and being physically and sexually abused be several family members repeatedly, and in turn doing everything I could to be accepted and loved.

I was always shocked at how much other people loved and protected their kids. While my family was busy living in denial of each other and wreaking havoc to hurt one another. So extreme at times I wanted to simply die as a child. I was always trying to please them and get them to love me,. All to no avail!! I was always the black sheep as it has been said and even today told to me as .. your family hates you!! I’m glad they hate me. They don’t deserve to have me in their lives. Me, I have forgiven them and learned to turn that pain at a very young age into strength.

A dysfunctional family is defined as one in which there is either sexual and/or physical abuse, neglect or both going on. The adults may not get along and might expose their children to terrible arguments or even physical fights and/or allow other family members to abuse the child. Conversely, the parents might be allies who care for and protect each-other at the expense of their children. In a dysfunctional family, the parents are inadequate or abusive. As a result, there is not enough love available for the children. Sometimes there’s no love at all. This sets up an unconscious competition between the children for whatever love might be available. During childhood, one child might ingratiate themselves to one or both parents in an attempt to get some attention from them. They are simply doing their best to survive in an environment deficient of the emotional necessities of life. The legacy of the dysfunctional family is not just the emotional trauma caused by parental abuse or neglect but also and significantly, a toxic disruption of the normal loving bonds that siblings would otherwise share. For more on this see, http://marciasirotamd.com/trauma-reco…

Join me “Scott Binsack” as I share some very shocking and traumatic details of my childhood and how I learned to overcome the sever scars of this dysfunction. Giving you ways to cope with and overcome dealing with a dysfunctional family. A show not to be missed!!
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24 Hours To Live ~~ ” When Reality Strikes”

This is your life and its ending one moment at a time. ― Chuck Palahniuk

If you had 24 hrs to live what would you do?

It is a question that deals with the happy notion of unlimited possibilities and yet the negative reality of death. In the face of death, things immediately change. There can be anger, forgiveness, regret, and a lot more emotions that make us human. Now the clock is ticking. Your mind begins to scramble. Would have, could have … should have.

Seriously think about this for a moment. Would you be happy with the life you have led?

Would you be able to say that you made the most out of the life you were given?

Would you look back on your life and say, “I’ve lived the best life I possibly could live”?

Or would you think, “I have 24 hours to live and I have yet to begin living”?

Or would you think, “I haven’t done nearly the things that I am capable of doing. I haven’ t accomplished the things I wished to accomplish”?

My question to you is ” why haven’t you? Whats stopping you?

We always have excuses as to why we haven’t accomplished the things we have dreamed of accomplishing, or doing the things we have hoped to do.

You have heard the stories of people on their death beds… I should have spent more time with my family, or apologized for this thing or that thing, wishing they had spent more time living instead of complaining or not taking real action to achieve there dreams and goals.

Life is truly a gift. Yet, most of us treat it as if it is never ending and thus nothing until we are face with the reality of death.

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be one of those people, and I am not. It’s time to start living If you start to truly live each day as it is your last you will see the greatness and urgency that comes with it.

Join “Scott Binsack” as he delivers a heart felt and powerful message about not just existing but living at all costs” Drawing from his serious life experiences including that of death via a near fatal auto accident. A brilliant show not to be missed!!

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Loyalty ~~ “A Dying Breed”

“The greatest loyalty in life is, above all, to thine own Self be true.”
– Charlie Lutes

In “Scott Binsack’s” previous powerful and eye opening show “”Growing Up In the Mob” he touched base on Keeping Your Circles small and your enemies close while sharing with you his years growing up with a Bannano Crime family Capo. In this weeks riveting show, Scott reveals what loyalty really means and why people who truly possess loyalty have become a dying breed, not just among men but in relationships and life as a whole.

Loyalty, consciousness and discrimination go hand in hand. However, first we have to start with the real meaning of loyalty. It means faithful to a cause, faithful to someone to whom fidelity is held to be due; to be faithful to an idea. There are certain things that we tend to be naturally loyal to and there are certain loyalties that we acquire as we go along in life. However, care should be taken not to place our loyalties in the wrong thing or the wrong person as this can often culminate in disaster. There are many sailors who are loyal to their ship. But, if the ship is sinking it may be time to get off and place loyalties elsewhere. A stubborn loyalty to a lost cause can often cause one to pay a price for lack of reason and good judgment. On the other hand, where the loyalty is justified one should stand resolute in his loyalty. There are some people who find it impossible to remain loyal to anything for any length of time and they often become faithless to the very principles of life itself. Bottom line .. loyalty is something that cannot be bought. Loyalty … must be earned.

Join “Scott Binsack” as he shares his vast life experiences in different depths of loyalty. In his “no holds barred” real style, Scott shows us how to identify true loyalty, in ourselves and in those around us. An in-depth look into how loyalty & honesty is a goal we need to strive towards mastering, Not to be missed!

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Love Lies ~~ “How We look For Love In All The Wrong Places”

“Lovers don’t finally somewhere, they are in each other all along”
– Rumi

On this week’s intimate & provocative show, “Scott Binsack” explores with you how we look for love, and our challenges us to be honest with ourselves regarding our tendency to settle for less and lie to ourselves for fear of being alone.

Do you feel that you are the one who did not do the right thing to make it last? You find yourself doing things that are against your values, because if you do not, you are afraid that the person will each time your relationship breaks up?

These are all signs of the love lies we tell ourselves in order to not be alone. Looking to find the love of your life out of loneliness can lead you do things that you both feel that are compatible with each other but are not really truths. Inside one knows that it isn’t a perfect fit, and yet are surprised to realize after the courtship that lasted weeks or month, that the relationship is not going to last. Getting into a relationship hoping that the person will be the right one is settling for something because you are alone.

Join Scott as he shares his journey from his first true love, to his marriage for the wrong reasons and subsequent divorce, to coming to the realization that “finding” and “looking” for love is really not the true path, and when you stop “looking” outside of yourself, when you stop settling for “good enough”, love will find you. A powerful show not to be missed.

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The Long Road Home ~~ “Surviving Child Abuse As An Adult”

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” – Rumi

In this Sunday’s compelling show “Scott Binsack” reveals his most intimate survival skills. Growing up within a severely dysfunctional home and enduring horrific abuse at the hands of others, Scott could have easily drown in the depths of pain and humiliation that accompany such atrocities. Not only did he find his way to “find the light within the wounds” and survive, but also to thrive against the odds, becoming whole and extremely successful along the way.

When we have been abused or neglected as children it can leave us feeling wounded, deprived, and wronged by those we love and trusted. The hurt can be especially deep if those who caused pain were our own family members. If these hurts are not resolved, they continue to affect us and our subsequent relationships.

Memories of these events are painful, so we tend to avoid thinking about them too deeply. Or if we do think about them, we focus on certain parts at the expense of others, precluding a complete picture of the events. Thus we have an incomplete and child-like view of the harms experienced, and any mental “solution” to the problem is likewise incomplete and without the benefit of being properly vetted by our mature higher mind. The child mind wants to rewrite the story and change the ending, however, doing so at this late stage will not change the past nor will it remove the pain experienced nor will it fix the psychological and spiritual damage.

Childhood pain can last a lifetime if not confronted. Confronting the totality of our painful experiences is the only way to gain mastery over the past. It allows us to objectively revisit what happened so that we can reassess it from a more mature and objective vantage point. It allows us to gain a more complete picture of the events and come to more appropriate conclusions about the cause and meaning of what happened. This understanding allows us move past the futile urge to reenact these experiences and allows us to recreate an internal understanding of who we really are in a more functional and accurate way.

Join “Scott Binsack” as he shares with you how to face these inner demons, how to forgive, and how he rose from the ashes of a childhood lost to recreate himself, becoming whole and healed. Finally finding his way home!

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Is The Grass Really Greener On The Other Side? ~~ “Playing Both Sides”

The old saying is that “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” So how do we feel about love and life on the other side of the fence? In someone else’s yard so to speak! Is it better? Or is it really an illusion we create in our own minds to get us through the day or even in some cases our entire life? Wishing for something or someone better. In some cases, it is, but in many cases, it is not. Join Scott as he takes you through his powerful take on this subject.

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