Marriage

Truth or Dare ~~ “Daring To Face The Truth Within”

“A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.” – Oscar Wilde

In this week’s show, “Scott Binsack” takes a hard look at how we perceive honesty within ourselves, with our loves, and with our lives. Scott shares his soul in each of these areas in his own life and shows you how to decide if you are using dishonesty with yourself as a means to avoid or escape important issues in yourself or your life.

There are circumstances when we need to escape from our problems. A break from the pressures and troubles of our lives can refresh us and give us clarity. The problem arises when we do things to the point where we never face the truth about ourselves. To make things worse, we may select means of avoidance that are physically and/or psychologically damaging. In addition to activities being used to avoid facing the truth, they can also be extremely self-centered, self-gratifying, and spoiled child-like behavior. Maturity is the key here.

A child expects things to come easily. A mature person knows that to get what you want you must face the truth and then act in accordance with it. Until you face the issues you’re avoiding, your life will not get any better. And it will never become what you want it to be. Rather than acting passively through avoidance and escapism, take control of your destiny. This will require that you accept responsibility for everything that is in your life today, take an honest look at yourself, and then take the necessary actions to create the life you want.

Join “Scott Binsack” as he explores the ways we avoid facing the truth about ourselves. Facing the truth about yourself and your life is the first step in self improvement. Until you are able to take an honest look at yourself and your history, your self improvement efforts will miss the targets you need to hit to be truly successful.

"Scott Binsack"

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Think Before You Speak ~~ “Controlling Our Emotions”

Words are powerful weapons as well as attributes to success,. Use them wisely. For, once said they can never be taken back!! – “Scott Binsack”

The old saying .. “We take things out on the ones we love” does not make it right and causes a serious communication breakdown in any relationship or workplace!! Identifying this bad behavior and fixing it is the only way for us to have true communication and thus, solid relationships with others.

Join “Scott Binsack” in this life changing show.  As he discusses how his behavior at times in communicating with those he loved was his way of  lashing out to prior unsettled issues of past pain and anger. Hurting those involved with harsh and undeserved words and how now he has come to recognize this and how to change it!!

SPEAKING::

One of the most obvious and significant attributes of humans is the ability to communicate through speech. An interesting corollary is that we can also communicate our thoughts in real time; we do not need to plan what we’re going to say before we say it. This has both advantages and disadvantages. It would clearly be undesirable for us to have to formulate our thoughts before issuing an immediate warning “run!”. And communication would be dramatically slowed if we were unable to respond, fluidly, to people in normal conversation.

On the other hand, this innate ability is often the source of consternation when what we say on the spur of the moment is something we later wish we had either not said, or had said differently; it,sometimes, happens to each of us. The trick is to remember when. Typically, this happens when we are responding in stressful situations, or during confrontation, although it can happen at any time. Recognizing that we do not always say what we would like to communicate is an important realization. Mitigating this issue is not complex, but it does require some behavioral changes. The goal is to be aware of when to talk naturally and fluidly and when to think before we speak and when not to speak at all.

COMMUNICATION:

Finding a way to dial down your sensitivity chip while you are in a relationship is easier said than done. If you tend to be more of an emotional person, falling hard when in love, finding techniques or ways to erode sensitivity can be tough. However, if you have gotten hurt too many times in the past because you’ve jumped in with both feet, use your current relationship to help you pull back the emotion, while at the same time still having fun and engaging in a bonded situation.

Identify your emotional triggers:

Find your hot buttons and learn how to wrangle those under control. Not only will subduing emotion be good for your relationship, it will be better for your mental health in the long run.Identify your emotional triggers. Find your hot buttons and learn how to wrangle those under control. Not only will subduing emotion be good for your relationship, it will be better for your mental health in the long run.

Separation anxiety:

Do you get upset when he/she wants to be friends or has to do something at night that is work related? Even if you don’t say anything to him/her, do you get upset so that it is disruptive to your life?

Jealousy:

Do you have a hard time seeing him/her converse with people of the opposite sex? Or is your honey an eternal flirt? What happens when you see your mate flirting or in a situation where others are doing the flirting with him/her? If there is truly no reason to suspect your mate of cheating, consider how your overt jealousy affects the relationship. Does it bring you closer together or does it drive a wedge between you?

Clinginess:

Even though you love him/her so much, showing it by hanging all over him/her or demanding you two be tied at the hip may not be best for your relationship. Tap into your sense of independence and remember that you are two entities that came together for love.

External factors such as family or work:

Do you get emotional with your significant other in certain situations such as being around your family or at work functions? Your emotional side may be more tied to situations rather than how you feel in general.

Determine how your emotions impact your relationship.

Some people love having a very emotional mate, however consider how your overt emotion is affecting your self of being and sense of worth.

Can you separate from this person and function independently? Do emotions prevent you from being an independent person and can you approach life both as a couple and on your own? If your emotions have taken over and seem to be preventing you from approaching life on your own, you will need to determine why you need the other person to be happy or experience an encounter alone.

Does your mate seem to be pulling away from you? Historically have your emotions been a caveat to why you’ve broken up? Has your mate become withdrawn or unhappy because your emotions seem to overwhelm the relationship? If you want the relationship to work, consider how your emotional expressions could be sabotaging it and why.

Become more communicative instead of emotional. When a baby cries he/she could be experiencing a variety of emotions or physical feelings because infants have no other communication skills. Luckily, as an adult you don’t have to resort to childish outbursts and can use words instead. Instead of resorting to old behavioral or non verbal mannerisms or emotional outbursts, consider taking a more methodical, communicative approach to explaining how you feel. You can still let the other person know what you are feeling or experiencing, but use your intellect so you can truly convey your emotion.

Identify which emotion you are feeling and write down when and why you feel that way. For example, if you are overwhelmed with jealousy instead of lurking behind bushes or fake plants at the next cocktail party you both attend, write down that you are jealous and when you are jealous. Is it when you are in social situations and other people hit on your mate or when he/she flirts with others? Also, name specific encounters so you can articulate and refer to when and where you felt this emotion. Choose an opportune time after you are not so overwhelmed with emotion to discuss how you feel.

Avoid acting on your emotions as you are experiencing them. Even if you are overwhelmed with love, instead of bear hugging and/or jumping into your betrothed arms, wait for a moment when you can regain your composure and calmly communicate how you felt. Tell him/her why you have come to love him/her and when this feeling washed over you.

Take ownership of your emotions!!

Often people try to tell the other person that he/she “made” them feel a certain way. No one can manage your emotions but you. Own your feelings but say why. For example, if you are experiencing separation anxiety say, “I feel so alone when you are out of town every week. I enjoy being with you and feel sad and alone when you are away.” However, avoid getting angry at the other person or blaming him/her for how you feel. Own it and resign yourself to doing something about it.

"Scott Binsack"

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Information in this article was in part gained from: http://www.wikihow.com/Think-Before-Speaking

 

Rose Colored Glasses ~~ “Why We Refuse Reality & Make Excuses”

If someone thinks about or looks at something with rose-colored glasses, they think it is more pleasant than it really is – “Scott Binsack”

It is much easier to see life through rose colored glasses then it is to face the real truth of any bad situation. The list is endless of what we can see wearing rose colored glasses e.g. relationships, marriage, career, self image etc. I am going to focus on all of these areas but more particularly, on staying in a bad relationship or marriage. Something I know well first hand!!

Reality: The world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.

I think we would all agree that it is much easier to see life or ourselves as we “want to see” it then what it “actually is” at times. Seeing it as it “really is” can be be very painful to ones existence. Painful or not, it should be the only way we see things. For, to see things via rose colored glasses is simply lying to ones self about the truth of any situation and/or themselves. Thus, what really was our life? A big farce!! A lie to ourselves!!

By accepting and facing reality we are able to change and therefore grow!! No one likes change. Change is painful, especially when it involves our own issues that we must change!!

Excuse: A reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense.

Through our lifestyle and just human instinct, we’ve become a culture of excuses. Excuses make life easier, especially when we know we will feed into to them and thus, we decide we would rather make an excuse instead of make a change. When we do something wrong we usually know it’s wrong and are already making up an excuse in our mind. We want to believe that everything is perfect and just right in our situations. As long as we don’t look bad or feel bad all is seemingly good. When in fact it is not! The problem is, when we make excuses for our situations, we .. “give up control” of those same situations. It is easy to “blame everyone else” and have that piece of mind that we are doing everything right. ( When we are not!! ) We just have to keep telling ourselves that until we believe it.

Now comes into to play the bad relationship or marriage and the refusal of one partner or both to see this and thus, the false reality we create to stay. Henceforth, the excuses we use to tell ourselves and others for staying in a dysfunctional situation. Such as:

Excuse #1: I’d rather settle for him or her than be alone.

If you are settling for an unhealthy relationship just to have a warm body near, you are missing the amazing indescribable intimacy that you deserve.

Excuse #2: I’m comfortable.

Is change something that makes you cringe? Are you stringing a relationship along primarily because it has benefits: money, companionship, image, physical intimacy, fun, familiar routine? Let’s face it, we have all temporarily turned to everything from shopping to food for fulfillment. Things–even relationships with benefits–can never truly satisfy.

Excuse #3: I love him or her.

“But I looooove him / her!” If I had a nickel for every time I heard those words! Geez! I love my dog! I love my brother! I love my pet hamster! There is a difference in loving and being “in love” and fully committed to the person you KNOW you were meant to be with. Never settle for less!!

Excuse #4: We have a children together.

Admit it. As children, most of us aspired to have better lives than those who raised us. Here’s the kicker: our starting point regarding relationships was the exact representation of what ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ modeled for each of us. My point: it is better to be alone or with the person you truly love then living a lie each day in front of your children. According to statistics, your children will do the same. You think you protecting them when in fact your not, your simply protecting yourself!! The choices YOU make affect future generations. Ponder that!

Excuse #5: I don’t want to hurt his/ her feelings.

Has your heart left the picture, but your still hanging around because you’d like him/ her to stay happy? Maybe you feel bad leaving him / her because they have invested so as spent so much time and money on you. You’re not stock or a possession; this isn’t an investment game. Have you tried to walk away, but they persuaded you to stay? You’re not a puppet; pull your hearts strings from their grip. Your people-pleasing nature, coupled with his / her controlling tendencies, are brewing up your worst nightmare. It’s time to be concerned more with yourself then them!!

Excuse #6: He / she is “good” enough for me.

Maybe you’re thinking, “I don’t deserve any better,” or perhaps you assume you’d never land among the stars so you’ve resolved to never shoot for the moon, or your insecurities and fears are holding you back.

Excuse #7: He or she will change for the better!

Come on, who are you kidding!? You can’t change him / her , and they comfortable the way they are. Statistically and in my experiences people don’t change. Not unless they truly want to!! Which takes being awakened by a fall to the bottom or some shocking act in their lives. Even then most don’t change. We are the ones that must change and see our own issues for what they truly are.

These are just some of the main excuses we make to stay trapped in a relationship or marriage we refuse to see for what it truly is. The list of excuses is endless.

So putting on the rose colored glasses everyday is the easiest way to just not face the truth. The easy way out!! When in reality it is living a lie to ourselves and those involved daily. Then before you know it real life and love has passed you by. You grow old and wake up one day wondering what the hell have i done with my life!

Join me “Scott Binsack” as I share two serious relationships in my life where in one I wore the rose colored glasses. Both serious events that changed me forever!! A show not to be missed!!

"Scott Binsack"

Thank you for watching,
“Scott Binsack”

Check out “Scott Binsack’s” other sites:
Website: http://www.scottbinsack.com/
My Info: http://www.scottbinsack.info/
About Me: http://www.scottbinsack.me/
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Blog: http://scottjbinsackthebuilderone.blo…
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The Black Sheep ~~ “Growing Up Dysfunctional”

“Another persons dysfunction should never become your reality” – Scott Binsack

Dealing with a family of severe dysfunction is never an easy task, especially when they inflicted traumatizing and shocking emotional, physical and sexual abuse and still live in denial about it today!! I am a proud survivor of an extremely dysfunctional family, dysfunctional all the way around on my fathers side of the family. Despite the chaos that they inflicted upon me and my urgent removal from the same at the tender age of 15 they still attempt to haunt me today. I have learned to face these issues and deal with the chaos that they still at times try rain down on my life. Even to the point of trying desperately to destroy me through others. Despite my having nothing to do with them.

This dysfunction through my own issues started to show its ugly head early on in my life with relationships and then marriage. Thinking that running away at 15 and never looking back would solve the problem. When in fact it merely brought it to light in all that I did. I grew up pulling (emotional) knives out of my back, and being physically and sexually abused be several family members repeatedly, and in turn doing everything I could to be accepted and loved.

I was always shocked at how much other people loved and protected their kids. While my family was busy living in denial of each other and wreaking havoc to hurt one another. So extreme at times I wanted to simply die as a child. I was always trying to please them and get them to love me,. All to no avail!! I was always the black sheep as it has been said and even today told to me as .. your family hates you!! I’m glad they hate me. They don’t deserve to have me in their lives. Me, I have forgiven them and learned to turn that pain at a very young age into strength.

A dysfunctional family is defined as one in which there is either sexual and/or physical abuse, neglect or both going on. The adults may not get along and might expose their children to terrible arguments or even physical fights and/or allow other family members to abuse the child. Conversely, the parents might be allies who care for and protect each-other at the expense of their children. In a dysfunctional family, the parents are inadequate or abusive. As a result, there is not enough love available for the children. Sometimes there’s no love at all. This sets up an unconscious competition between the children for whatever love might be available. During childhood, one child might ingratiate themselves to one or both parents in an attempt to get some attention from them. They are simply doing their best to survive in an environment deficient of the emotional necessities of life. The legacy of the dysfunctional family is not just the emotional trauma caused by parental abuse or neglect but also and significantly, a toxic disruption of the normal loving bonds that siblings would otherwise share. For more on this see, http://marciasirotamd.com/trauma-reco…

Join me “Scott Binsack” as I share some very shocking and traumatic details of my childhood and how I learned to overcome the sever scars of this dysfunction. Giving you ways to cope with and overcome dealing with a dysfunctional family. A show not to be missed!!
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Thank you for watching, liking and subscribing,
“Scott Binsack”

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24 Hours To Live ~~ ” When Reality Strikes”

This is your life and its ending one moment at a time. ― Chuck Palahniuk

If you had 24 hrs to live what would you do?

It is a question that deals with the happy notion of unlimited possibilities and yet the negative reality of death. In the face of death, things immediately change. There can be anger, forgiveness, regret, and a lot more emotions that make us human. Now the clock is ticking. Your mind begins to scramble. Would have, could have … should have.

Seriously think about this for a moment. Would you be happy with the life you have led?

Would you be able to say that you made the most out of the life you were given?

Would you look back on your life and say, “I’ve lived the best life I possibly could live”?

Or would you think, “I have 24 hours to live and I have yet to begin living”?

Or would you think, “I haven’t done nearly the things that I am capable of doing. I haven’ t accomplished the things I wished to accomplish”?

My question to you is ” why haven’t you? Whats stopping you?

We always have excuses as to why we haven’t accomplished the things we have dreamed of accomplishing, or doing the things we have hoped to do.

You have heard the stories of people on their death beds… I should have spent more time with my family, or apologized for this thing or that thing, wishing they had spent more time living instead of complaining or not taking real action to achieve there dreams and goals.

Life is truly a gift. Yet, most of us treat it as if it is never ending and thus nothing until we are face with the reality of death.

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be one of those people, and I am not. It’s time to start living If you start to truly live each day as it is your last you will see the greatness and urgency that comes with it.

Join “Scott Binsack” as he delivers a heart felt and powerful message about not just existing but living at all costs” Drawing from his serious life experiences including that of death via a near fatal auto accident. A brilliant show not to be missed!!

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Thank you for watching and liking me on Facebook,
“Scott Binsack”

My Website: http://www.scottbinsack.com
My Info: http://www.scottbinsack.info
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Blog: http://scottjbinsackthebuilderone.blogspot.com/

The Long Road Home ~~ “Surviving Child Abuse As An Adult”

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” – Rumi

In this Sunday’s compelling show “Scott Binsack” reveals his most intimate survival skills. Growing up within a severely dysfunctional home and enduring horrific abuse at the hands of others, Scott could have easily drown in the depths of pain and humiliation that accompany such atrocities. Not only did he find his way to “find the light within the wounds” and survive, but also to thrive against the odds, becoming whole and extremely successful along the way.

When we have been abused or neglected as children it can leave us feeling wounded, deprived, and wronged by those we love and trusted. The hurt can be especially deep if those who caused pain were our own family members. If these hurts are not resolved, they continue to affect us and our subsequent relationships.

Memories of these events are painful, so we tend to avoid thinking about them too deeply. Or if we do think about them, we focus on certain parts at the expense of others, precluding a complete picture of the events. Thus we have an incomplete and child-like view of the harms experienced, and any mental “solution” to the problem is likewise incomplete and without the benefit of being properly vetted by our mature higher mind. The child mind wants to rewrite the story and change the ending, however, doing so at this late stage will not change the past nor will it remove the pain experienced nor will it fix the psychological and spiritual damage.

Childhood pain can last a lifetime if not confronted. Confronting the totality of our painful experiences is the only way to gain mastery over the past. It allows us to objectively revisit what happened so that we can reassess it from a more mature and objective vantage point. It allows us to gain a more complete picture of the events and come to more appropriate conclusions about the cause and meaning of what happened. This understanding allows us move past the futile urge to reenact these experiences and allows us to recreate an internal understanding of who we really are in a more functional and accurate way.

Join “Scott Binsack” as he shares with you how to face these inner demons, how to forgive, and how he rose from the ashes of a childhood lost to recreate himself, becoming whole and healed. Finally finding his way home!

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Thank you for watching,
“Scott Binsack”

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Is The Grass Really Greener On The Other Side? ~~ “Playing Both Sides”

The old saying is that “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” So how do we feel about love and life on the other side of the fence? In someone else’s yard so to speak! Is it better? Or is it really an illusion we create in our own minds to get us through the day or even in some cases our entire life? Wishing for something or someone better. In some cases, it is, but in many cases, it is not. Join Scott as he takes you through his powerful take on this subject.

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Thank you for watching,
“Scott Binsack”

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Divorce and Children ~~ “Scars Of A Child”

For children, divorce can be very painful, sad, and confusing. At any age, kids may feel uncertain and angry at the prospect of mom and dad splitting up. Thus, acting out in bad and rebellious behaviors or becoming depressed and introverted. As a parent, we can make the process and its effects less painful for our children. Helping them cope with divorce means providing stability in your home and attending to your children’s needs with a reassuring, positive attitude. It won’t be a seamless process, and thus without problems.

As parents, it’s normal to feel uncertain about how to give our children the right support through a divorce or separation. It may be uncharted territory, but we can successfully navigate this painful time and thus, help our children emerge from it feeling loved, confident, and strong. If not, they will go on to suffer the consequences of our mistakes.Suffering life long scars.

There are many ways we can help your children adjust to separation or divorce. Your patience, reassurance, and listening ear can minimize tension as children learn to cope with new circumstances. By providing routines kids can rely on, you remind children they can count on you for stability, structure, and care. And if you can maintain a working relationship with your ex, you can help kids avoid the stress that comes with watching parents in conflict. Such a transitional time can’t be without some measure of hardship, but you can powerfully reduce your children’s pain by making their well-being your top priority.

When it comes to telling your kids about your divorce, many parents freeze up. Make the conversation a little easier on both yourself and your children by preparing significantly before you sit down to talk. If you can anticipate tough questions, deal with your own anxieties ahead of time, and plan carefully what you’ll be telling them, you will be better equipped to help your children handle the news.

It’s vital to be honest with your kids, but without being critical of your spouse. This can be especially difficult when there have been hurtful events, such as infidelity, but with a little diplomacy, you can avoid playing the blame game or using your children as pawns against the other parent.

In this show Scott goes into great depth and detail explaining his parents divorce and the serious scarred childhood he suffered therefrom. As well as, discussing his own difficult marriage and divorce and the serious consequences of that on his children.

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Thank you for watching,
“Scott Binsack”

My Website: http://www.scottbinsack.com/
About Me: http://www.scottbinsack.me
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Some content of the written portion of this blog was obtained from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/children_divorce.htm

Where Blame and Guilt Have Been Left Untended, Regret Grows ~~ “Looking Back”

The fact is that we all make hundreds of important decisions every day, to waste time dwelling about a single one is simply crazy. Certainly, the one decision you dwell over seems more important than any other but that’s just the way your life and mind have chosen to frame it, that decision is no more important than your decision to study a particular career, or move to that city or leave that job or end that relationship. Time spent considering ‘what if’ is time wasted, better it were spent on ‘what now?’ or ‘where next?. If you truly can not defeat your guilt you will wallow in it, leading to regret.

Regret is cancer, the unrighteous manifestation of masochism. Where blame and guilt have been left untended, regret grows. Regret is the least positive and least constructive force in the world. Regret alters the way you think, feel and interact. Regret can become your master when you should be its’. Regret is literally your past consuming your past and potentially your future, I can imagine nothing scarier than the little time I am given being eroded by a past mistake or mistakes.

If you truly feel regret, address it, remember that is was born of guilt or blame and eradicate them from your life. If you truly value your future, you have to daily face your regrets rather than letting them slowly corrode you until you no longer have the strength to fight them.

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“Scott Binsack”

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