Wisdom

Saying I’m Sorry ~~ “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word”

“Sorry seems to be the hardest word.” ~Elton John

When tempers flare or pain and hurts transform into anger, we have a tendency of saying hurtful things; things that we don’t really mean. This is especially true when you have two passionate individuals involved. And the closer your relationship, it seems the nastier and more cutting those words tend to be.

When those hurtful words come tumbling out, there’s no retraction. Just as a bell can’t be un-rung, words can’t be un-said and we’re left to deal with the damage and consequences of words spoken in the heat of the moment.

For those on the receiving end of your words, those emotions can remain raw until you say those two words: “I’m sorry.” But those words only have mending power if they’re backed with genuine emotion. A casual “I’m sorry” is meaningless.

In some cases, a full apology is warranted. So what makes a good apology? It should have three parts:

• I’m sorry;

• It’s my fault (or an acknowledgement of wrong-doing); and

• What can I do to make it right?

Those are the components of a good, effective apology. But again, those words must be backed by genuine emotion. And unfortunately, most people forget the third part — the part when you take action to remedy the situation and the hurts that you’ve caused.

An apology is so much more than just words! An apology says so much more than just “I’m sorry.” It’s an acknowledgement of the fact that you’re not always right. An apology also shows that you truly care about the other person’s welfare and emotional well-being — a point that is essential for any healthy relationship. Apologies also serve to diffuse the situation, while acknowledging and validating the other individual’s feelings and opinions, even if you don’t agree with their perspective.

Equally important is knowing when not to say “I’m sorry.” Not every conflict requires an apology and over-using apologies can diminish their impact. You shouldn’t apologize for having your own emotional needs, for instance. But if you’re aware that the other person is wounded, but aren’t sincerely sorry, then use the opportunity to start a dialogue so you can arrive at a better understanding of each other. This involves actually listening to the other person’s perspective — something we often forget to do in the heat of the moment.

There’s also the timeframe of the apology. Waiting days or weeks will diminish the power of your apology. Don’t allow hurts to linger. And make no mistake: without a good apology, those hurts can and will linger for weeks, months, years — even an entire lifetime. Those words that tumbled out as part of spite and malice-filled tangent can cut
through your defenses, becoming embedded deep within your very spirit. And there they will remain until a sincere, genuine apology is offered up and the individual takes action to right the wrongs that led to those hurts.

In today’s episode of Sunday Night With Scott Binsack, we’ll explore apologies and the impact of those two words: “I’m sorry.”

Join “Scott Binsack” as he goes in depth to explore the life experiences and actions that have led him to say “I’m sorry.” We’ll also discuss what we can do to control our anger, so as to avoid saying words that we’ll come to regret. It’s a humbling show and one that simply can’t be missed!

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True Love ~~ “The Story Of The Man In The Moon”

If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.”

~Khalil Gibran

[But is that really true?]

It’s the first show of 2015 and we’re going to tackle a tough topic: true love and the story of The Man in the Moon.

Last February, right around Valentine’s Day, we explored a story involving my mother and the man who would ultimately come to be known as The Man in the Moon.

It’s a profoundly moving and emotional story; one that has impacted me since childhood.

I used to believe in the saying, “If you love someone, you should set them free and if they truly love you, they’ll return.”

I no longer believe this.

I believe that if someone truly loves you, there will be no reason to set them free; they shouldn’t come crawling back after their first choice didn’t work out.

People tend to toss around the term ‘love’ as though it’s a casual term. But it’s anything but. Love is truly transformative and it’s a force that can change your life in the most powerful ways.

I consider myself a hopeless romantic; I believe in true love. I’ve learned that many abuse victims like myself find themselves on a lifelong quest to find true love. They’re often amongst the individuals with the biggest hearts and the deepest desire to love and be loved — even if that desire isn’t outwardly apparent through the hard, protective shell that many abuse victims develop.

When I first shared this story of the Man in the Moon, I didn’t share all of the specifics.

I’ve since realized that it’s a story that must be told — in its entirety.

Over the past year, it’s a story that’s taken on new meaning as I myself became a Man in the Moon.

Recent events have transformed my view of life and love. I’ve come to realize that I was wrong; that love and intimacy aren’t the only part of the equation.

There’s more.

The Story of the Man in the Moon

My mother was a woman who suffered many traumas in her life. She was from a lower-middle class family that was plagued by dysfunction; a dysfunction that came to a head when she witnessed her father hang her mother from a 13th floor window amidst a drunken rage.
My father was from the other side of the tracks. He came from a prominent and wealthy family.
My parents met at a driver’s ed class. My mother said she loved my father, but she wasn’t madly in love with him. She got married because that’s what was expected; getting married young was the norm.
My mother’s true love was a man named Charlie — a man whom I’d come to know as The Man in the Moon. Charlie ultimately married another woman, just as my mother had married another man. But their respective marriages were no obstacle and they would meet in secret. Sometimes, I’d wait in the car, parked on the side of the road. I was just three or four years old when I first witnessed my mother in a rare state of pure happiness as she shared intimate moments with this man.
Charlie’s moniker — The Man in the Moon — was practical yet accurate. He was a man who was ever-present in her life and in her heart, yet in many ways, he was inaccessible. It was a practical term too, since my mother frequently brought me along when she met up with The Man in the Moon. So when my father asked, “What did you do today?”, my honest reply would be a seemingly fanciful: “We saw the Man in the Moon.”
After 14 years of marriage, my parents got divorced. But Charlie never left his wife — a woman who happened to be one of my mother’s best friends.
In time, Charlie and I became friends.
Years passed.
One day, my mother and I met Charlie for lunch. At one point in the meal, my mother left the table, heading for the restroom. I’ve always been very direct and I asked, “You love my mother. Why won’t you leave your wife?” Charlie replied, “I have children, obligations…..But someday, we’ll make it work. Someday.”
I knew that he truly loved my mother. And over the years, my mother continued to receive flowers, cards and other tokens of his affections.
They continued to see each other, but Charlie never did leave his wife. In this way, he truly lived up to his moniker, The Man in the Moon, remaining ever-present yet inaccessible.
So my mother set out on a mission to find another man. She sought to replicate the intense bond that she shared with Charlie.
But true love was elusive. She re-married and divorced twice.
In the end, my mother was miserable, forever haunted by the forbidden love she shared with The Man in the Moon.
Years later, my father said, “I love your mom, but your mom was always in love with Charlie — The Man in the Moon. He should have married her.”
The story of The Man in the Moon has led me to realize that love exists separately from intimacy. And if you don’t have intimacy — an incredible bond with another human being — then you don’t have anything.

These are just some of the topics we’ll be exploring on the latest episode of Sunday Night With “Scott Binsack”. It’s a must-see episode; one that will force you to confront and reconsider your views of love, intimacy and true love.

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Making Resolutions ~~ “Time for That ‘New Year, New Me’ Bull(shit)”

The lights are up, the decorations are on display and holiday consumerism is at its best. That’s right. It’s nearly that time again: time for more New Year’s resolutions, which — if you’re like 92% of folks — will be broken in fairly short order.

The statistics are bleak. A mere 8% of people actually stick to their New Year’s resolutions, with many abandoning those resolutions inside of a week!

We’re surrounded by “New Year, New You” rhetoric. Yet the fact remains: little, if anything, will change when the clock strikes midnight on December 31, 2014. It’s just plain unrealistic to believe that a well-established habit or tendency that you’ve spent all year engraining will be miraculously eliminated or overcome once the calendar reads “2015.”

In fact, many go into the new year with a resolution that lacks a definitive plan of attack, with measurable, “SMART” goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.)

It’s a set up for failure and it’s the type of failure that can harm your self-esteem and self-worth, leaving you languish amidst that which you sought to stamp out. So instead of losing weight, you find yourself cuddled up on the couch, downing an entire pint of ice cream (the good stuff, not the crappy fat free variety), followed by a vodka chaser to drown your miseries.

Quite simply, New Year’s resolutions are a load of crap.

New Year’s resolutions are an archaic tradition, dating back to the time of ancient Babylon when the people would make promises to the gods for the upcoming year.

But these resolutions were very different in nature. They weren’t seeking to stamp out deeply engrained behaviors and bad habits overnight, nor were they striving to achieve a complete psychological overhaul. The Babylonians’ resolutions were much easier to achieve, perhaps vowing to return a loaf of bread to the neighbor to make up for the loaf that they had previously borrowed.

So with this in mind, perhaps it would be more appropriate to make a New Year’s resolution to return your neighbor’s weed whacker.

What’s more, the Babylonians believed that they would be struck down by their gods if they failed to follow through, making the consequences very compelling.

Without the threat of divine bombardment, many lack the motivation and incentive required to effect real, lasting change.

The bottom line is this: New Year’s resolutions are all about hype. If you really want to change or improve, don’t wait for the new year to arrive before taking action. Start your transformation today! And if you make a mistake, you’ll know you’re human. Get up off the ground, dust off those knees and keep going.

Procrastination and postponement could be construed as evidence that you’re not ready to change; perhaps you don’t really want it. Perhaps you’re meant to travel down a different path.

There’s no guarantee of a tomorrow, so live as though today was your last day. Become the person you want to be beginning this very moment. Start the transformation process now. Set yourself up to succeed with a goal that’s achievable, measurable and realistic.

Once you achieve that goal, establish a new objective and continue growing and improving. Life is a journey, not a destination. So hold on tight and enjoy the ride.

These are just some of the topics we’ll be exploring on the latest episode of Sunday Night With “Scott Binsack”. It’s a must-see episode; one that will set you up to succeed beginning right now.

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Truth or Dare ~~ “Daring To Face The Truth Within”

“A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.” – Oscar Wilde

In this week’s show, “Scott Binsack” takes a hard look at how we perceive honesty within ourselves, with our loves, and with our lives. Scott shares his soul in each of these areas in his own life and shows you how to decide if you are using dishonesty with yourself as a means to avoid or escape important issues in yourself or your life.

There are circumstances when we need to escape from our problems. A break from the pressures and troubles of our lives can refresh us and give us clarity. The problem arises when we do things to the point where we never face the truth about ourselves. To make things worse, we may select means of avoidance that are physically and/or psychologically damaging. In addition to activities being used to avoid facing the truth, they can also be extremely self-centered, self-gratifying, and spoiled child-like behavior. Maturity is the key here.

A child expects things to come easily. A mature person knows that to get what you want you must face the truth and then act in accordance with it. Until you face the issues you’re avoiding, your life will not get any better. And it will never become what you want it to be. Rather than acting passively through avoidance and escapism, take control of your destiny. This will require that you accept responsibility for everything that is in your life today, take an honest look at yourself, and then take the necessary actions to create the life you want.

Join “Scott Binsack” as he explores the ways we avoid facing the truth about ourselves. Facing the truth about yourself and your life is the first step in self improvement. Until you are able to take an honest look at yourself and your history, your self improvement efforts will miss the targets you need to hit to be truly successful.

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Identifying Your Passion ~~ “How Badly Do You Want It”

For living life without passion is simply not living. -“Scott Binsack”

Are you living your life doing what you are passionate about or are you simply existing? Passion can be anything powerful or compelling, a strong desire towards something or just overall enthusiasm in life. Having passion in your life helps give you personal power to live fully. When mind, body and spirit work together, it can help to manifest your potential and overcome obstacles. Many people shy away from seeking passion because of fear of failure and of taking the risks that will lead to an undefined future. Defining one’s passion in life is paramount in driving creativity and inspiration.

Join “Scott Binsack”as he shares his experience on  how to find & maintain the passion which resides within us all.

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Peace Within ~~ “Battling The Depths Of Depression”

“No one should have to live in hell with themselves.” – “Scott Binsack”

According to the National Institutes of Health, depression is the leading cause of disability in the United States in people aged 15 to 44 and affects 14.8 million American adults a year. It causes intense feelings of isolation and worthlessness and can lead to debilitating physical illness, even suicide. Loved ones and families of people suffering from depression are often caught in a similar downward spiral.

Depression drains your energy, hope, and drive, making it difficult to do what you need to feel better. But while overcoming depression isn’t quick or easy, it’s far from impossible. You can’t beat it through sheer willpower, but you do have some control—even if your depression is severe and stubbornly persistent. The key is to start small and build from there. Feeling better takes time, but you can get there if you make positive choices for yourself each day.

Scott Binsack shares some of his most personal and debilitating moments of his intimate battle with depression and how he beat the demon itself. Bringing him to the brink of death on several occasions, Scott fought daily for years with this illness. An illness caused in major part from the sever trauma of his childhood and later from a near fatal auto accident. An accident resulting in severe head trauma, during treatment for which he received dozens of prosthetic titanium plates in his skull and face. Scott shares how anti depression medications were not a major part of the ultimate answer in overcoming the depths of his depression, but that of changing his thought process, facing the ghosts of his past, along with physical activity which was key to literally making the difference between life and death within his battle.

Scott shares 10 key personal steps to fighting this battle. Steps you can take daily to enrich your life and obtain peace within. As well as how to overcome negative thinking. Negative thoughts are a key factor to feeding the demon. Once you learn how to change your thoughts you can begin down the road to peace

Join “Scott Binsack” as he takes you in-depth into how you can harness these demons and help you to achieve your peace within. A profound and intimate show not to be missed.

PLEASE NOTE: If you or a loved one are having thoughts of harming yourself or others
DO NOT WAIT CONTACT THE NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE 1-800-273-8255 or ONLINE http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

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24 Hours To Live ~~ ” When Reality Strikes”

This is your life and its ending one moment at a time. ― Chuck Palahniuk

If you had 24 hrs to live what would you do?

It is a question that deals with the happy notion of unlimited possibilities and yet the negative reality of death. In the face of death, things immediately change. There can be anger, forgiveness, regret, and a lot more emotions that make us human. Now the clock is ticking. Your mind begins to scramble. Would have, could have … should have.

Seriously think about this for a moment. Would you be happy with the life you have led?

Would you be able to say that you made the most out of the life you were given?

Would you look back on your life and say, “I’ve lived the best life I possibly could live”?

Or would you think, “I have 24 hours to live and I have yet to begin living”?

Or would you think, “I haven’t done nearly the things that I am capable of doing. I haven’ t accomplished the things I wished to accomplish”?

My question to you is ” why haven’t you? Whats stopping you?

We always have excuses as to why we haven’t accomplished the things we have dreamed of accomplishing, or doing the things we have hoped to do.

You have heard the stories of people on their death beds… I should have spent more time with my family, or apologized for this thing or that thing, wishing they had spent more time living instead of complaining or not taking real action to achieve there dreams and goals.

Life is truly a gift. Yet, most of us treat it as if it is never ending and thus nothing until we are face with the reality of death.

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be one of those people, and I am not. It’s time to start living If you start to truly live each day as it is your last you will see the greatness and urgency that comes with it.

Join “Scott Binsack” as he delivers a heart felt and powerful message about not just existing but living at all costs” Drawing from his serious life experiences including that of death via a near fatal auto accident. A brilliant show not to be missed!!

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Sink or Swim ~~ “Rising Above The Rest.”

“One of the most common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat.” – Napoleon Hill

In this week’s hard hitting series Sunday Night With “Scott Binsack” Scott shares his most intimate experiences on sinking or swimming in the rough seas of life.

Often times, people know exactly what they need to do in order to achieve the life that they want but still aren’t able to make it happen.

One tremendously important reason is that people tend to give up too early.

No one ever said reaching your dreams is going to be easy. In fact, it’s hard and that’s why most people fail to live the life that they want.

Join “Scott Binsack” as he shares his shocking moments, moments where he struggled and could easily have drowned. Yes he succeeded where others failed. He chose to swim and survive some of the toughest challenges. A show not to be missed.

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Loyalty ~~ “A Dying Breed”

“The greatest loyalty in life is, above all, to thine own Self be true.”
– Charlie Lutes

In “Scott Binsack’s” previous powerful and eye opening show “”Growing Up In the Mob” he touched base on Keeping Your Circles small and your enemies close while sharing with you his years growing up with a Bannano Crime family Capo. In this weeks riveting show, Scott reveals what loyalty really means and why people who truly possess loyalty have become a dying breed, not just among men but in relationships and life as a whole.

Loyalty, consciousness and discrimination go hand in hand. However, first we have to start with the real meaning of loyalty. It means faithful to a cause, faithful to someone to whom fidelity is held to be due; to be faithful to an idea. There are certain things that we tend to be naturally loyal to and there are certain loyalties that we acquire as we go along in life. However, care should be taken not to place our loyalties in the wrong thing or the wrong person as this can often culminate in disaster. There are many sailors who are loyal to their ship. But, if the ship is sinking it may be time to get off and place loyalties elsewhere. A stubborn loyalty to a lost cause can often cause one to pay a price for lack of reason and good judgment. On the other hand, where the loyalty is justified one should stand resolute in his loyalty. There are some people who find it impossible to remain loyal to anything for any length of time and they often become faithless to the very principles of life itself. Bottom line .. loyalty is something that cannot be bought. Loyalty … must be earned.

Join “Scott Binsack” as he shares his vast life experiences in different depths of loyalty. In his “no holds barred” real style, Scott shows us how to identify true loyalty, in ourselves and in those around us. An in-depth look into how loyalty & honesty is a goal we need to strive towards mastering, Not to be missed!

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Love Lies ~~ “How We look For Love In All The Wrong Places”

“Lovers don’t finally somewhere, they are in each other all along”
– Rumi

On this week’s intimate & provocative show, “Scott Binsack” explores with you how we look for love, and our challenges us to be honest with ourselves regarding our tendency to settle for less and lie to ourselves for fear of being alone.

Do you feel that you are the one who did not do the right thing to make it last? You find yourself doing things that are against your values, because if you do not, you are afraid that the person will each time your relationship breaks up?

These are all signs of the love lies we tell ourselves in order to not be alone. Looking to find the love of your life out of loneliness can lead you do things that you both feel that are compatible with each other but are not really truths. Inside one knows that it isn’t a perfect fit, and yet are surprised to realize after the courtship that lasted weeks or month, that the relationship is not going to last. Getting into a relationship hoping that the person will be the right one is settling for something because you are alone.

Join Scott as he shares his journey from his first true love, to his marriage for the wrong reasons and subsequent divorce, to coming to the realization that “finding” and “looking” for love is really not the true path, and when you stop “looking” outside of yourself, when you stop settling for “good enough”, love will find you. A powerful show not to be missed.

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